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I have an ISBN!

Welcome to my new adventure!  I just purchased an ISBN.  I didn’t even know what ISBN stands for or how to pronounce it until I “googled” it.  ISBN stands for International Standard Book Number.  So why do I need an ISBN?

I wrote a book!  Me…a small animal small town veterinarian.  It all feels so surreal.  I am excited, nervous, pumped up, and want to throw up all at the same time.  Let me go back to the beginning of it all….

 

In April, 2016, I was packing for a continuing education trip in Virginia.  Even though I never bring my laptop to these things simply because it is a pain to carry through airport security, God was really pushing me to bring it.  So I did along with 3-4 ideas for blogs to “knock out” while on the plane.  We reached 30,000 feet and the pilot allowed for laptops to be released from underfoot storage.  I opened up my old 2007 Gateway tablet/laptop and composed myself to write my blogs.  Then God said, “Nope, I want you to write a book…go.”

What!?  Now?  With what info?  Do I even have enough ideas or thought to write an entire book?  Nevertheless, I started writing whatever He brought to mind.

Flashforward 3 weeks later, I had 30 pages written so easily and an outline of topics to cover.  As I continued writing, God started challenging me more and more.  Circumstances started popping up that He wanted me to write about.  Words stopped flowing so easily, yet He called me to work hard and persevere.  The ways of the world tried to cause me to doubt putting Jesus and His Word into this book, but I quickly heard “deny me and I will deny you”.

You see, God is the whole reason why I am still a veterinarian.  My education taught me the skills and knowledge to be a good veterinarian, but it did not teach me how to remain in this challenging profession.  Many outside people do not realize that veterinarians and dentists are the top two most dangerous professions in this world mostly because of our high suicide rates.  In my work, daily I encounter death, stress, money issues, crabby people, joyful people, self doubt, tough medicine, cute puppies, vicious cats, among many other highs and lows.  I cannot count the times I have cried out to him at work or at home thinking about work and his love and comfort overwhelms my weary soul.  He is the source of all my strength, joy, and wisdom in staying in this profession.  He has been and continues to be everything to me and He has called me to share this wisdom with others through this book.

Hence this website…I can’t write a book and not have a website? Right?  I know nothing about websites so bear with me if you notice some imperfections.  I pray you come alongside me in this journey.  I am just weeks away from launching this book and could use all the prayer and support I can get.  Thank you for taking the time to venture onto this page and read my first post and I look forward to updating you as things keep moving on!!!

Much love,

Heidi

 

“It’s BODYSHRED, baby!”

“It’s ‘Bodyshred’, Baby!”, I heard as I stumbled over to the DVD player and silenced my good old friend, Jillian Michaels.  With sweat pouring from my face and nausea building in my stomach, I crawled over to the cool kitchen floor and sprawled out.  “Why do I do this to myself…”, I asked.  I had just finished the first of 8 new workout videos by fitness guru, Jillian Michael’s entitled “Bodyshred”.  Each video is 30 minutes long and every 2 weeks you switch to new videos that are more physically challenging.
Six weeks into the training of 30 minutes a day, 6 days a week, I found myself in front of a scale.  You see, I don’t own a scale, but now there just happened to be one in the fabulous downtown Chicago hotel that my husband picked out to celebrate my birthday.  I stepped on and waited completely expecting to have lost at least double digits…..but then SURPRISE! I gained 4 pounds!  I was devastated!  My husband tried to console me with talk of “it’s gained muscle” but the number stuck in my head.  I thought about the nice calorie filled breakfast sandwich I had that day from mcdonalds and the pizza I had for lunch, and I headed straight to the hotel gym determined to run off those extra 4 pounds.
The gym was gorgeous and clean with apples stocked in the minifridge and a keurig looking cold water dispenser.  It had a nice row of treadmills facing the new Trump Tower and the Chicago River.  I picked out a treadmill and realized that it had been at least a year since I stepped foot on one of these.  Fears started running through my head…..”what if I fall and people laugh, I’ll be all scraped up for our nice Chicago dinner tonight, what if this treadmill malfunctions and I fly straight through the window and fall 4 stories down to my death.”…..yeah, that thought seriously crossed my mind.  But I threw out those thoughts and started running.
Power, I felt pure power!  Before Bodyshred, I had never really seriously strength trained.  Sure, I had run long distances and seen how amazing the body can train and adapt to make 12 miles feel like 2.  But I had never in my life felt what it was like to run with strength trained muscles.  I ran 3 miles without barely breaking a sweat or speeding up my breath.  It felt absolutely incredible!  For those of you who know me well, you know that running is one of my favorite worship times with God.  I’m not sure exactly how it works out this way….maybe it has something to do with part of my brain being so focused on the physical aspect of running that I can’t get distracted by other little things.  My sole focus remains on God and running becomes a complete act of worship.  On that day in Chicago, after allowing that number on the scale to flood me into all kinds of insecurities, I regained my confidence by experiencing the truth.  I had gained muscle and I had gained power and it took me actually running it out see that.  And I had the most wonderful time with God during that run because of it!
My point to all of this is for us to not get so focused on the “number” that we forget, or can’t see, the great work God is doing in us.  Maybe your aren’t seeing the results that you had hoped for and you find yourself questioning God…. “God, I thought more people would join my small group…..God, I thought by now I’d be serving your people on the fields of Africa….God, I thought by now this co-worker or family member would believe in you.”  And this kind of thinking can open up a whole can of insecurities… “I’m just not fun enough, I’m don’t have enough qualifications,  there has to be something wrong with me that God isn’t using in that way….”  Know that “you are clothed in strength and dignity”(proverbs 31:25) and before God formed you in the womb He knew you, before you were born He set you apart (Jeremiah 1:5).  He has a magnificent plan and purpose for your life that is uniquely yours.  No other person  could do what God has in store for you.  So keep up with your “strength training”!  You pray, you read your Bible, you surround yourself with friends who encourage you in the faith, and you cast aside the lie of the “number” and acknowledge the great work God is doing in you! And above all, hold onto the truth that you have a Savior who loves you so incredibly much….and THAT is always more than enough!

 

Exhale

I am captivated by the song “Exhale” by Plumb recently.  She has intrigued me since I heard one of her songs for the first time called “Lord, I’m ready now”.  This first song hit me hard as I was going through a large battle with insecurity.  God began showing me that the thought of “I’ve always been like that” or “I’ve always been shy” is just a lie and an excuse.   I would make excuses for not going or wanting to go to an event with larger numbers of people.  But God began asking me why.   What He showed me were my very own crippling insecurities, and He gave me tools of how to overcome them.  In “Lord I’m ready now”, Plumb talks about how she feels exposed and all her walls are down and how that’s beautiful.  She talks about how she wants to make this life count by being who God has made her.  The real her.  It’s such a freeing song.
Now her newest song “Exhale” is so great.  The first lyric is, “It’s ok to not be ok.” How many women need to hear that! It’s so freeing to just “be” in the Father’s arms whether it’s joyful, sorrowful, frustrated, upset, and not ok.  He can handle our every emotion.  Bring it to Him.
“No matter what you’ve done or who you are everyone is welcome in His arms”.  I feel like I screw up every day.  I let my emotions get the best of me.  I say things that I shouldn’t.  I can’t control my mouth.  But I am so thankful that there is nothing I can do or say that will separate me from my Father’s arms.  And praise God that He shows me the error of my ways and loves me enough to show me how to be more like Him.
“Oh God we breathe in your grace, we breathe in your grace and exhale.  We do not exist for us but to share your grace and love…and exhale.”  Isn’t that just it! Isn’t that the purpose of life in a nutshell!  I feel like I’m really just starting to grasp my mind around the immense beauty and power of God’s grace.  I grew up always knowing the salvation story and I am so thankful for that.  But I think always knowing has made the concept of grace too familiar.  It’s like I got too used to hearing about it.  And the concept of “breathing it in” is so wonderful!  How God freely offers it to us every day and we get to choose to breathe in it’s freshness and beauty or ignore it because it’s always been there.  I wish I could say that I daily breathe it in, but I know I don’t.  I can easily choose to follow my selfish desires and pity parties and miss the power and vastness of the daily Grace God has given me.  To breathe in God’s grace, be completely filled by God, not by myself or this world, and exhale.  To exhale his grace uniquely through my body, my personality into the world because God loves people and God loves me…..I LOVE this!
So what are you exhaling?  Does your breath reek with cynicism, rude comments, anger, frustrations, or selfishness?   Or does it exude encouragement, truthfulness, love, courage, and fierce bravery in Christ? Are we the “aroma that brings death” or the “aroma that brings life” (2ndCorinthians 2:16)?  Or are you barely breathing at all: are you  too overwhelmed with the stresses of life to even think about it or are the distractions of a first world country clouding your heart and minds from what truly is important in life?

 
“Just let go let His love wrap around you
And hold you close
Get lost in the surrender
Breathe it in until your heart breaks
Then exhale”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOgUjSW4agg

No meat, no dairy, no coffee…..so nuts! (my experience on the Daniel Fast)

My Experience on the “Daniel Fast”
“I ate no choice food; no meat or wine touched my lips….until the three weeks were over.” Daniel 10:3

21 days ago I embarked on a physical, spiritual, emotional adventure called the Daniel Fast.  It’s a partial fast designed to “feed your soul, strengthen your spirit, and renew your body”.   It’s based off of the story of Daniel in the Bible.  When the Israelites were overtaken by Babylon, the King took some of the wisest Hebrew men to serve him.  Daniel was among them.  The King gave them the finest foods and wines to eat to strengthen them.  However, these foods were sacrificed to false Gods.  Daniel would rather die than deny the One true God by eating sinful sacrifices.  So he pleaded with the King’s messenger to allow them to eat only things that came from the ground and to only drink water (for those items were not sacrificed to false Gods).  The King’s servant allowed it and when he checked in on him in 10 days, Daniel and his fellow Hebrews were stronger and wiser that all the other men who ate the meat and drank the wine. 

The world says that you are crazy to give up eating foods like cheese, milk, meat, fast food, anything containing sugar, coffee, and pop, but the truth is, I am blessed to have a choice to do so.  My first feeling of this process was a deep humility in the fact that there are many people who live on less that what I was eating on the fast, and they do not have a choice.  It taught me to be truly grateful for my food no matter what the type.

It was eye opening to see the emotional and physical attachment I had with food.  Day 1 of the fast I vomited twice!  I used to only drink ½ cup of coffee in the morning and one pop at night.  I didn’t think that was enough caffeine to worry about having severe withdrawls.  But I was wrong.  I was so sick.  And as I sat crouched by the toilet, I couldn’t help but doubt and wonder why in the world I would do this to myself.  But looking back I can see how that uncomfortable withdrawl opened my eyes to the physical stronghold of caffeine on my body.  I was also made aware of the mental stronghold.  Before, I always had to have my cup of coffee in the morning.  It brought me joy, I looked forward to it, and I would say that I needed it.  Now, being 3 weeks free from any coffee or caffeine, I can surely say it is not necessary to function.  It truly isn’t.  On week three, I felt fine, if not better in the mornings with just a glass of water.

The first week I felt so extremely tired and constantly hungry.  All I could focus on was my “flesh”.  My regular morning prayer time was more like morning nap time.  As my body was weeding out the old toxins I was used to, I was feeling the pain.  Looking back, it really painted a physical picture of what sin looks like.  When you eat crappy food so much like I used to, your body gets used to it.  Same thing with things like sin, you get used to gossiping, lusting over things you shouldn’t, envy, anger, jealously and you live in it. It doesn’t feel all that bad because why would it, “everyone else is doing it.” But once you allow God to start detoxifying your life, just like detoxifying the body, it is super hard at first, but then the breakthrough appears.  You don’t realize how good you can feel in freedom from past sinful habits or eating habits until you actual feel what good is!
It was about halfway through that I started feeling better and God gave me complete self control over food.  I got used to the balance of being satisfied and being ok with hunger.  The cravings weren’t that bad.  And I started allowing God to control what I was eating.  He would tell me when to stop and what was ok to eat and when.  I remember in the “Daniel Fast” book, Susan Gregory said that one of the goals of the fast was to make holy spirit led decisions about food.  I doubted.  I thought, does God really care about what we eat ? Didn’t Jesus did make all foods clean and ok to eat?  But it’s more than just the food.   A gift of the holy spirit is self control and God wants us to have that.  With self control over food, you can be more energized, more available, more attentive to the spirit and what God has for you on that specific day.  Instead of focusing on how tired you are and where your next cup of coffee is coming from, you can focus on complete dependence and trust on God.  Let me tell you something true: Our God is greater than caffeine, and He is so able to make any person a morning person!

It truly was the last few days that were the hardest.  I was really tired of chopping up veggies, cooking, and eating beans!  I yearned for some meat and cheese.  I persisted and on my first day back to regular food, I was so happy to eat an omelet for breakfast and a turkey sandwich for lunch!  I had never been as thankful for “normal” food as I was on that day.  And on that day, I felt different….I felt really free, super free.  You see, it wasn’t all about the food.  I tapped into self control through food and it bled into my mind and heart.  God is so faithful!  Other battles I was facing spiritually were won.  And I do not write this to boast of anything I did.  God led me to this and God guided me through this and I am so thankful.  So if you are struggling with self control, whether it’s with food, money, relationships, or any type of addiction, talk to God about fasting.  And when He says “do it!”, you obey.  It will change your life for He is “able to accomplish far more than all we ask or imagine, by the power at work within us, to Him be the glory.” Ephesians 3:20
For more information about the Daniel Fast check out this website or ask me any questions your wish!:

http://daniel-fast.com/

“Dagon” IT!!!!

The end of this week, I started reading through 1st Samuel in the Bible.  I had never noticed this particular event quite like God showed me this time.  The Philistines had just defeated Israel and had captured Israel’s most holy and precious possession, the ark of the Covenant.  The ark was the stone tablets that God had written on and given to Moses which always traveled with the Israelite people wherever they would go.  Now, the Philistines were polytheists, meaning they believed and worshiped many gods.  So when they captured the ark of the Covenant, they decided to place it in the temple of one of their gods named “Dagon”, right next to some man made statue of him.  The next morning, the people went into the temple and found Dagon lying prone on the ground in front of the ark.  So they picked up their man made god and placed him back in his allotted spot.  The following morning, they found Dagon once again prone before the ark but this time his hands and head had been broken off from his trunk.  

It was at this point that I started laughing.  I started picturing all the ways God could have done this.  He could have just struck Dagon down from heaven both times, with the second time having a little more force.  But that unfolding of events didn’t fulfill my intrigued imagination quite as well as picturing an angel with a big smirk on his face, lifting Dagon off his pedestal and placing him on the ground.  I can see him watching the next day and giggling at the faces of the unexpecting Philistines as they see their “god” worshiping the one true God.  As the Philistines place Dagon back on his proper spot, I can see the face of the angel waiting with eager expectation for what he’s allowed to do next.  He takes Dagon and pulls him apart limb by limb and then finally pops off his little man made head.  The next day he watches as the Philistines enter, mouths wide open in awe and fear as they see their “god” broken in pieces before the Lord Almighty.  Oh, I would give more than a “penny for their thoughts” on that day. 
I don’t mean for one second to downplay the amazing power and sovereignty of God by laughing, but I believe God enjoys humor.  I believe he also uses humor and laughter to teach us just as he uses sorrow and pain to help us grow in relationship with Him.  In my job, I experience a lot of death, sorrow, frustrations, tense emotional conflicts, and pain.  I know I deal with animals but with every animal there’s a person and every person there is a story.  I also experience a lot of joy, love, excitement, and silly moments but for some reason I allow them to be clouded out by the bad. Just 30 minutes prior to picking up my Bible and reading this story, I had asked God to show me to be more light hearted.  To melt away all the sadness I had allowed to build up in my heart by His love and laughter.  Then, he gives me this, an early morning comedy show sent by the Creator of the universe just to loosen me up.  Praise be to God for creating laughter that has enough power to soothe the soul. 

A Mover and a Shaker

I was driving home recently from a friend’s baby shower when a great worship song came on the radio.  That day had already been such a wonderful Sunday.  I went to church, spent my drive to the baby shower in prayer, caught up with some great friends, and I was filled with joy.  The song “Great I AM” came on the radio and I was just like, oh man this is such a great praise song describing the glory, power, and love of God.  I couldn’t help but sing…horribly, but I started to sing like never before….loud, proud and off key!   Then, the station started fading out, first with a little static blotting out a few words here and there.  Then, it started completely covering up the entire song.  At first, I was disappointed, but I thought, “you know what, I’m gonna keep singing.”  So I did.  And I immediately felt God throw in a little teaching moment as He reminded me of what I’d been struggling all week to do.  I could hear Him telling me in my soul that, “No matter how loud life gets with cultural noise, drama, craziness, busyness, sinfulness…..all the static that tries to quench His spirit within me, I need to rise above that and push upward to hear Him, praise Him, be bolder and louder than the noise.  No matter how much I think my voice may not be perfect or my day may not be how I think it should be, I still need to surpass the hectic noise and sing out in praise, being completely mindful of that fact that there is always more at work than what I can see in the world.

I was never more reminded of this when one day at work I was super busy and super stressed.  I couldn’t keep up, I was running behind, I was taking on hard cases and knew that it was all adding up to a 14 hour work day.   I got crabby and upset and focused on the hectic scene.  Somehow in that whole day I had missed a truly beautiful scene of the staff comforting, crying with, and sharing stories with a really wonderful client who had suddenly just lost her son.  I was drowning in myself as they were lifting her up.  I don’t want to be so caught up in the noise of the day that doesn’t really matter in the long run, and miss out on the beauty of what we are here to do…to love one another.  To look beyond the rush of the day and let God’s spirit show me what to be concerned about and what to be fired up about.  To be spent on the eternal and not consumed by the temporal.

I was reminded on this subject in my Bible readings this week.  Praise God for never growing tired of trying to get me to listen to Him! Over and over God was drawing me to places in scripture where He made the earth shake, and to where the temple veil was torn.  Of course the obvious one that puts the two together is Matthew 27:51 right after Jesus died: “At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom.  The earth shook, the rocks split and the tombs broke open.”  Then there is Acts 4:29-31 after Peter and some disciples had been released from jail and persecution from the priests and scribes, “’Now, Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness.  Stretch out your hand to heal and perform signs and wonders through the name of your holy servant Jesus.’ After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly.”  And one more: Hebrews 10:19 “Therefore, brothers, since through the blood of Jesus we have confidence of entrance into the sanctuary by the new and living way he opened for us through the veil, that is, his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us approach with a sincere heart and in absolute trust.”

In the first 2 verses, God shook the earth with His mighty power only after there had been suffering.  He used the craziness, the brokenness, and what the “world” considered to be a loss, to glorify His name with all boldness shortly after.  What I’m trying to say is that there is a lot going on behind the scenes on your bad days.  I don’t want to be too busy being caught up in my own pity and sorrows to miss the earth quake shortly after.  I don’t want to miss that learning opportunity to break through the darkness to visualize and learn from the light.  I don’t want to miss the training on how to be fearless and bold in my faith.  Hebrews says that now, “let us approach with a sincere heart and in absolute trust.”  Now that Christ’s sacrifice had torn the veil between us and God in two, we are able to approach God and see beyond the ordinary bad day.  We are able to rise above the daily noise and see what God is up to.  We don’t have to recap our days by just saying, “yep, it was another bad, hard day. “.   Instead we can say, “yeah, today was hard, but God showed me this!”.  Every opportunity to learn more about God and grow closer to him, grow more mature in the faith, is a blowing force at the gates of Hell.  I believe it is powerful enough to cause a quake in the spiritual realms.  “See that you do not reject the one who speaks…..His voice shook the earth at that time, but now He has promised ‘I will once more shake not only earth but heaven.’”.   My prayer is this, that God shows us all to become “movers and shakers”….to move beyond what is seen and make waves in the unseen.
From the song, “Great I AM”:
“The Mountains shake before Him, the demons run and flee
At the mention of the name King of Majesty.
There is no power and Hell
Or any who can stand

Before the power and the presence of the Great I AM.”

Lessons at Wal-mart

I wrote this in my journal after an experience leaving Wal-mart and thought it was something to be shared. Enjoy:

“Dear God,
I thank you for speaking to me.  I love when you guide me to “pay attention” moments.  I was just praying about a situation I came across a few days ago that as soon as it happened, I knew there was a deeper meaning to be found.  I was coming out of Wal-mart and it was nightime and a little rainy.  I just stepped out of the doors.  I see this little boy, probably about 2-3 years old, sitting on his daddy’s shoulders, and the boy is just looking at every person in site waving and saying, “HI! HI! HI! HI! HI!” over and over again with a huge smile on his face.  He was so cute, I couldn’t help but smile and wave.
I was just praying, currently on a flight to Florida, and that scene came back so I decided to pray about it.  You started feeding me with insight and I love it!  First, you asked me to notice how i felt: I felt overjoyed, it made my heart leap with happiness that this little boy was so excited to say Hi to me.  I felt acknowledged and encouraged.  Then you turned me towards focusing on how this little boy was able to do this.  You spoke about his innocence, no fear of rejection because he was clearly loved by his family and society had not yet engraved rejection into his heart….he had no walls built up.  He valued and respected every person he saw and wanted to know them or at least let them know they were important enough to be greeted.  Then you asked me, “and how was he positioned?”.  He was on top of his father, fully supported, legs off the ground and dangling, clinging to his shoulders with one hand.  What a great picture of fearlessness and love.  You, as our Father, give us Your support, Your shoulders, every day.  But how often do I actually climb aboard?  How often do I join in on what you are already doing, how You are already moving during that day?  What holds me back from talking to a neighbor, stranger, or acquaintance is fear of rejection that they may thinking I’m weird because i’m smiling and saying hi to them.  Or is it because I’m scared I wouldn’t be able to carry out the conversation.  Why try because it’s so much more comfortable on the ground level that I’m used to.  It’s way less scary than being lifted up and exposed (vulnerable to others).  God, you are so good.  You loved your children so much that You yearn for us to hop on Your shoulders every day.  You want us to fearlessly trust You so that we can acknowledge the goodness of others by even a simple act of greeting.  You will use us when we jump on board, fully supported and guided by You.  I pray that I can daily allow You to sweep me off my feet and allow them to dangle: allowing You full power to take me wherever and to whoever You would lead knowing that despite rejection, pain, or any misfortune that may come my way, I can find rest and comfort by gripping on to your shoulders.  Did I mention it was also dark outside, but that little guy shone as bright as the day.  Warm, genuine love will always cast out darkness.  That little boy’s boldness and excitement for welcoming others shone a great warm light into me that left me giddy.  I pray that my life may mimic that little boys’ fearlessness and love.  Thank you for never ceasing to want to teach me.  I love learning from You.
Love always,
Your Heidi”

Nothing Compares….to You!

                Do you ever feel like something is so extremely simple, yet so profound.  What God is teaching me now is exactly that.  About two months ago, I heard the Third Day song which goes, “Nothing compares to the greatness of knowing you, Lord” over and over.  I had heard this song numerous times throughout my life but in this particular instance on this specific day, the song grabbed me and stopped me dead in my tracks.  I said, Yeah…that’s so true! NOTHING compares to knowing Jesus and I thought, “how am I currently living my life in accordance with this truth?”.  Am I living my life as if nothing truly compares to spending time with God, reading His word, asking the spirit to move in my life and out through my actions?  Or am I getting lost in the noise of today’s culture?
                Jesus tells us that the greatest commandment is to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matthew 22:37).  Now I had skipped over this verse many many times before saying…yeah yeah I know I know…but when I really dove deep into this verse, I fell short in oh so many ways!  I felt God leading me to do a little exercise: I wrote on a piece of paper and circled “heart”, “soul”, and “mind”.  Then, around each item I wrote the answer to the question “What is holding me back from loving God with my WHOLE heart….mind…soul”?.  This was truly an eyeopener…..my heart was held back by things like fear, my own desires, what society says my desires should be, my own way.  My soul held back by distrust, distractions of daily life, little “annoyances”, bitterness.  My mind held back by (oh, so many things!) lack of boldness in Christ, my way, gossip, worrying, insecurities, tv/entertainment, lust.  Then beside each of these things I wrote what I felt God wanted me to do to rid myself of these hurdles…..and you know what it all boiled down to: spending time in prayer with God and reading His word.  It’s so simple, yet so many of us will fight everything and everyone to have that time to watch “Dancing with the Stars” or stand in line to see the latest “Twilight” movie but we won’t lift a hand in battle for time with our God.  And don’t get me started on how many hours I waste watching The Real Housewives of Orange County! But, you see, when you start to know God, He will show you how to love Him.  He will guide you by calling you to rid yourself of distraction and draw joy and strength from the source.  He will be your Shepherd and you will be his lamb and nothing “will snatch (us)out of (his) Hand” (John 10: 29).  
                If you are wholeheartedly seeking God, I promise you He will convict you sincerely of how you spend your time.  Recently, we had a big storm.  I made sure to unplug my computer, my phone….but didn’t really think about my tv or playstation.  They were plugged into a surge protector anyway.  I woke up the next morning, tv dead.  My playstation which was plugged into the same surge protector was absolutely fine.  Nothing else got zapped except my tv.  Now I thought I was doing good with giving up so much tv, but when I was completely without it, I realized just how much I had been using it to fill some empty space.  All of a sudden, I had more time to spend with God, reading His word, catching up with friends, going outside and running.  God took out my tv to show me, “yes, you were doing good by cutting back on tv, but now you see that you have more to give up.” (Just so happened that this same week, the women’s study I was on this exact same “tv” topic….God knows that sometimes has to hit me 2..3..times before I fully get it…but He does…….He is SOOO good!)
                We were made in the “image and likeness” of God and therefore were designed to crave our Creator.  Pastor Joe once said that if you aren’t craving God, then you are filling yourself up with something else.  What is that something else for you?  Is it money, fame, alcohol, tv, a relationship,  lust?  Is it yourself?  God has had a funny way recently of saying, “I love you, but it’s not about you!”  There have been many a time when I have gotten in the way of my own knowledge of God. 
                What is it that you are placing as the top priority in your life?  We were created to love God, then love one another.  If God is not at the top of your priority list, then I challenge you to be honest, find out what is, and make a move to put your relationship with God first.  If you don’t, you will continue to come up empty in your search for fulfillment and joy in life.  BUT, Cool things will happen if you do.  He’s gonna show you just how beautiful you are and that no matter what sins you’ve committed, He has always and will always love you because He died so that those sins could be washed away.  He loves you so much that He’s also gonna show you where you could use a little work (very humbling but in the end rewarding I promise!).  Then, He’s gonna show you how He wants to use your life.  When you move towards God, He’s gonna start moving in your life.  He’s gonna start using you and let me tell you that nothing compares to the joy of being a servant of the most High. 
                Just last week, the same Third Day song was playing on the radio.  I was listening to the chorus as they sang “Nothing compares to the greatness of knowing you Lord” when I heard in my heart God say, “Heidi, I cannot wait until you truly believe this.”  In my heart I know God was lovingly telling me that although I still have much work to do, I can believe in the hope that one day I will be able to stand up and say with sincere honesty that NOTHING compares to knowing my God.  I can’t wait either, God! 
“It is not that I have already taken hold of it or have already attained perfect maturity, but I continue my pursuit in hope that I may possess it, since I have indeed been taken possession of by Christ.”Philippians 3:12


13.1?…maybe, you should sweat the small stuff!

                The air was thick with excitement, adrenaline, nervous chatter, and the sound of “The Black-eyed Peas’ ‘Tonight’s gonna be a good night’”.  I looked down at my bib number and could not believe I was standing there, just seconds away from starting a 13.1 mile run.  It seemed like only yesterday that I was filling out the Half Marathon application online.  However, it was not yesterday, it was early August when I agreed to sign up and run the race with a co-worker.  I printed off the training schedule and was happy to see that I had about 2 weeks before training began.  The schedule quickly reminded me of my marathon training.  For 5 months, I ran 4 times a week with longer runs getting up into the high teens (14,15,18 miles).  I never missed a run, and it was amazing to see what a trained body can do.  I remember later into the training, looking at the schedule, breathing a sign of relief and saying, “oh, it’s only a 12 mile run this weekend, that’s easy.”  Then I would go on that run and find myself barely tired at the end.  Training for that marathon was by far the most dedicated I’ve been to anything in my life.  As a result, my marathon was fairly easy.  I never hit a “wall”, I never walked, and I felt fairly good the entire time. (well, except for after I stopped when my legs wanted to cramp up into tiny little balls causing me to walk for another hour after the race lol).  Because I strictly followed the training schedule, I finished 26.2 miles in 4 hours 45minutes (11 minute miles) without any injuries.  Pretty cool what the body can do when you give it the appropriate training huh!?
                So, looking at half that distance, 13.1miles, did not seem all that bad.  Especially since I’ve been known to go run 5 miles randomly and be ok.  As the weeks progressed and I got into my training weeks, I started running a couple miles here and a couple miles there.  I would get home tired from work and would promise myself I would do my missed run tomorrow.  Well the tomorrow runs never came.  In fact, I didn’t run for a whole month before I was standing at that 13.1mile start line!  I bet you can guess what happens next.
                It was about 50-55 degrees and sunny…awesome!  The winds were about 20-25mph…not so awesome and most of the run was completely out in the country.  The first 4 miles I felt great, nice music, strong legs, wind blocked by local houses….nice run.  Then I entered the country with nothing to block the wind.  Mile 6 was with the wind.  The mile 7 sideways wind kept trying to pull my ear buds out.  Then came mile 8…..nothing but heading straight into the wind.  There was a lady in front of me walking and even though I was still running, I couldn’t catch up to her! I gave in to the wind and started walking.  This repetition started happening: run…walk…run….walk…shove the ear buds back in…run…walk.  At one point, I shut off the music, took out the ear buds and said, “God, what do you want to teach me….I know there’s a lesson in here somewhere, what is it?”. (kinda bossy of me I know!)  Then, I started praying, “Lord, you made these winds and I believe you have the power to make them stop.  Could you please just let them stop for just another couple hours while I finish this race?”.  Do you think they stopped?….Nope.  And by no way is this a reflection of inadequate power of our God.  Sometimes God allows the wind to batter us until we are broken.  We may be begging for the strong winds of our lives to stop, but God’s plan is higher and mightier than our cries.  Trust me, He hears us, but He knows that sometimes we need to go through the valley first before we can stand in awe on that holy mountain.  For example, in this case, if God would have ceased the winds, I would have missed the main message He had for me on that day.  God was exhausting me in order to teach me something. 
                So I continued the struggle, I didn’t give up despite the continued presence of the “Salvation Army” van riding back and forth picking up runners who have had enough.  Which reminds me: sometimes when you are battling a fierce wind in your life…you may see an easy way out…one that goes against truth and against the life you know God is calling you to lead.  Whatever you do don’t get in that van and believe the lie….it is much better to struggle with Christ by your side, then to get comfortable and complacent apart from Christ.  “Consider it joy when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces perseverance” James 1: 2-3.  And let me tell you that Paul was absolutely right when he said that “the sufferings of this present time are noting compared to the glory that is to be revealed to us” Romans 8:18.
                At mile 11 my physical body shut down.  My calves wanted to completely tear apart, my knee was shot, my hip felt like I had a knife wedged in it.  I walked the last 2 miles until right before the finish line.  When I crossed, my body was done for.  One and a half years ago I had run a full marathon, and now after running just half of that, I couldn’t even find the energy or strength to drive home!
                What I learned was this: sometimes God, because He is all powerful, allows us to do miraculous things in an instant.  But more times, He demands us to be faithful.  Because I was faithful to my marathon schedule, God allowed me to finish with relative ease and peace.  I was faithful in the big race, but I was faithless in the small.  My pride told me a lie and I listened to it: “because this race is smaller, you should be just fine, you can let your training slide a little. You’re busy, you have better things to do. What can it hurt?”  Well, it hurt a lot!
                God demands us not only to be faithful in the big things in our lives, but also in the small day to day things because each “yes” to God builds up our and endurance and our faith so that we can be fruitful and we can move mountains.  We must not think, “I got this”.  God said, “No, Heidi, You don’t ‘got this!’ and now I’m going to show you why.”  If you don’t allow God into your small plans and the small aspect of your life, why would he trust you with the big?  “He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much” Luke 16:10.  Those small, faithless acts may end up causing more hurt than good.  I learned that today, one week after the race as I stepped out for just a short 2 mile run.  About two blocks into the run, my calves began to burn and I had to stop.  I seriously had injured myself last week and my body told me today that it needs more time to heal.  Just 3 days after my marathon, I went for the same short run and had the most powerful and exhilarating run of my life! I felt like I was superwoman, that’s how strong I felt.  With the right training, the right mindset, and a devoted prayer and relationship with Jesus, you can and you will bring Glory to the Kingdom as He makes you stronger than you ever thought possible by His grace pouring out to his faithful servant.
                God is so good to us, and He always wants to teach us something.  I wonder how many times I’ve missed invaluable lessons all because I don’t truly believe God is crucial in the small stuff. 
                I’ll leave this with a really cool song that I rediscovered as I was exhausting my body on the road! Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_aaUVHVtHqc

Falling For Him

Are you giddy with expectation of me gushing over a new man and telling you every bit of detail from the first flower he gave me to the ridiculous endearing nicknames we have made for one another?  I encourage you to get EXCITED!  Keep reading! The love story is at the end!!! 😉
                I have been reminded recently of how sometimes God has to knock me down, flat on my face, to grab my attention.  I was venturing out on my longest run of the year feeling completely pumped and ready to go.  I carb loaded at breakfast, gulped down enough water, even dug through my closet to find my fancy Nike official running tank top, and downloaded some new tunes to my I pod.  Running to me has always been a stress relief and a time to put on some Christian tunes and just get out there with God and be free.   But I did something on this particular day that I’ve never done before.  I got out about 100 feet and turned off the music and prayed.  I said, “Lord, I want this run to be about You.  I know there’s a lot of things that happen during my day where forget to think of you or don’t think to include you, but I want this run to be dedicated to You.  I pray that I may have the strength to complete it but also the willingness to let you be a part of it.  I give you this run to use to show me who You are.” (Warning: don’t pray this prayer if you want a nice calm boring run).
                I turn my music back on and start enjoying the run.  I’m about a half a mile in when before I know what even happened, I’m laying flat out on the sidewalk.  I literally tripped over a sidewalk and bit the dust…hard!  Maybe there was a little rise up in the concrete but in all honesty, I may be thinking that just to make myself feel better for tripping over a subdivision side walk! I seriously have never tripped before on a run.  I instantly felt humiliation, then recovered with laughter. I can only imagine how awkward that fall must have looked.  I wipe off some blood from my scraped knee and continue on when suddenly a picture of the fallen Jesus, cross in tow, surfaces in my mind.
                The Bible tells us that after being scourged, beaten, and mocked, Jesus was forced to carry His cross to Calvary.  During that journey, He fell.  This is extremely significant.  As I recently learned, it’s humiliating to fall.  Our God, who in an instant could have had the strength of a hundred men if he wished, humbled himself to be a bruised and broken man falling under the weight of some wood that would serve as His execution framework.  Our God fell.  I love that.  I have a God who is so powerful He can move mountains and calm seas, and yet He allows himself to fall so that we can have a God who knows exactly how heavy the weight of the world can be on His shoulders.  We have a God who knows probably even better than most of us, what it feels like to be humiliated, betrayed and what it feels like to be so worn out that He can’t even keep himself upright.  He chose to fall because He needs us to know that no matter how far down we get, He’s been there.
                Do you have the weight of the world on your shoulders right now?  Do you have something you’ve been hiding…maybe you are ashamed and think no one would understand.  Or maybe you think you have fallen so far down that you don’t think even a miracle could pull you out of the hole you’ve dug.  Maybe it’s an addiction, a bad relationship, a past hurt, a family member, a friend, a grudge or just plain loneliness that keeps tripping you over and over and over again.  I need you to know that You are never alone.  You have a God who knows what it’s like to fall, and the best news is, you also have a God who knows what it’s like to rise.  I promise you that He wants you to rise and I promise that He will help you do so.  He loves you so much that he would fall for you and die for you.  His love is so vast and perfect and beautiful that He wants to take you by the right hand and wrap you in His blanket of peace.  You must make the decision to turn to Him.
                But that’s not all!  There’s even more good news.  I absolutely believe the first step is establishing a personal relationship with Jesus and calling out to Him.  I also believe He doesn’t call us to do this completely alone.  You see, after some falls, the Romans assign a man named Simon to help Jesus carry the cross the rest of the way.  Our own God didn’t choose to carry the cross completely alone.  What better way to show us how much our God values the idea of “carrying our crosses” together.  He has a desire for us to be in fellowship with other believers.  He knows He is all we need to go on, but He also knows the limitations of our physical and emotional bodies and has felt the concept of “strength in numbers.” 
                If you’re thinking right now, that’s good and all, but what if you don’t have any friends that would love me like that.  All my friends have betrayed me and left me here alone and afraid.  You know that church you keep passing on your way to work?  Or that nagging thought in your head that keeps asking you to google search churches in the area?  You know that co-worker who keeps asking you to tag along with her to Sunday service?  That’s God.  He’s asking you to turn to Him.  He knows you are fallen and He knows that this probably wasn’t the first fall and it most certainly will not be the last.  He may even use a random literal fall on an ordinary run to make You think of Him!  He promises  that “ this momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison.” 2 Corinthians 4:17.  The weight of your burdens and the pain they cause will be transformed by His most holy love.  What are you waiting for?!  Run into the most loving arms of Jesus…..but watch out for those pesky sidewalks! =)   
                Ok, ok, back to the love story I mentioned in the beginning……I moved to Sandwich, IL not knowing quite what to expect.  I knew no one, but during my time with God I felt Him telling me I was coming here not only for work, but for the people.  I listened to the “nagging” in my heart which led me to attend 2 churches.  In the beginning I took the first step alone.  Since my initial “move” towards God’s nagging, I have met some pretty amazing people who not only add to the enjoyment of my life with friendship, but also hold me accountable in and strengthen my walk with Christ.  He has also helped me strengthen friendships I already have!  My love story is this; I have a God who loves me enough to say, “Heidi, if you listen to my still small voice and follow where I call you to go, I will provide for you more than you could ever imagine.” So that first flower He gave me, was the beautiful first daisy I noticed which reflected his awesomeness.  And that nickname He calls me is “beloved”. He surprises me every day with the love He pours out for me.  One small “yes”, turned into a huge Hallelujah! =)